


Short People

by OfDarkMind



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, hints of het and yaoi couples, nothing happens, poking fun at the little man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1299874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfDarkMind/pseuds/OfDarkMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While in a tavern, Hanji experiences a jealous Jean Kirstein and a bullying Levi. She decides to help Jean and teach Levi a lesson. Only she took it a little too far and didn't figure it would lead to many awkward feelings and questions when they woke the morning after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Short People

**Author's Note:**

> There was a prompt thingy on Tumblr that I decided to do and have a little fun with it.   
> So I got Hanji and Jean.
> 
> I wanted to pick two prompts instead of one prompt to make it more interesting. 
> 
> I got get drunk together and sing karaoke. 
> 
> This was totally random and pretty fun to do as I was just looking for a reason to write frivolous AoT. A bit AU only because I am sure in their universe they don't have microphones and teleprompters. 
> 
> Some implication as a nod to the shipping fandom (we know how ravenous they are) but nothing of the sort actually happens. This is for fun only!   
>  Please read and review!

It’s been a while since they had a good time. No reason to really smile unless it was because you and a dear friend or loved one lived to see another day. So tonight, if just for one night, the men and women of the Survey Corps will unwind.   
Smoke… ale… you name it, it happened. For no strange reasons did several of the members wake up in odd places with a hangover… or they were remembering with shattered recognition the events of the night before, for each individual had their own unique drunk story to tell.   
One such event came into clarity with shameful amusement in the umber eyes that flickered open in a motel bedroom, looking at the striated wooden ceiling, plain and usual augmented by the dull thud of alcohol telling her that she drank too much and she was going to have a day… perhaps a long week or month of deep regret. That or the same amount of time but with certain someone letting her know he was unhappy with her.  
She lifted an arm that seemed too heavy for her shoulder to lift to swipe at her sleepy eyes to find that her glasses were missing. She grimaced and made to turn over to feel something heavy over her legs. It was oddly cold in the room too. Or she was just so hot the normal atmosphere was wrong to her skin.   
Hanji swallowed with a cotton dryness in her throat as she lay back on the bed trying to recall, before she looked down at her legs, what exactly happened last night after they left the tavern.   
She suddenly remembered, while trying to dredge up possible shameful acts after she left in company with two other people, what she had done before that.   
**/**/**  
It was about 11:30pm. Or that is what it looked like when she looked at the clock. It could have been 12:30am. Who the hell knows?  
She had been sitting with a bunch of the new recruits. Eren was there. Hanji had only been sitting there because the kid had been drinking and she hoped to hell he would turn into a titan. Hanji was thinking of all sorts of things she would do that titan body if allowed. However she was thinking too, inebriated, she would not be allowed to do it, least ways by Eren but all his friends would likely stop her. Especially if it is revolving around cutting his arm off and looking at how the bone and sinew steam and re grow in front of her.  
But this didn’t happen, Eren as it turns out could not hold his draft at all. He became cranky after a cup or two, ran into the bathroom and likely had his head stuck in the toilet. Hanji wanted nothing to do with it and she was getting bored. She sat back in the chair, her legs crossed. Her lips pursed in monotony, wanting something to get her blood pumping as only titan picking can do. She was looking about at all the people in the bar. A couple patrons but most of them were familiar faces.  
Erwin was at the bar itself. He was hunched over it, Mike and Moblit beside him. Mike and Moblit were drinking, Erwin was not. Or she didn’t actually see anything. To the side in a small table in the corner, Levi was sitting by himself. Typical.  
She wasn’t really listening to any of the sounds in particular, a jumble of low and higher voices as people carried on conversations, the band in the corner playing, a guy up there with a pint in his hand singing as he swayed back and forth, not able to hold a tune.   
She watched this drunken guy trying to sing.   
“It figures Mikasa would follow that idiot, Jaeger to the loo when he is puking! I seriously don’t see what she sees in him! He’s an idiot! And only idiots attract beautiful long black haired girls apparently! That little idiot! I swear I am so jealous of him!!”   
Hanji shifted her eyes to another person standing at the table, looking down at her, red faced. He too apparently couldn’t hold alcohol very well and was blatantly jealous of the Ackerman girl’s fondness for Eren. Hanji looked up at him dubiously.   
“Who the hell are you?”   
“Kirstein… Jean Kirsssss…. Fuck.” He dropped into the seat near her.   
“What?!” Hanji flinched a little as the ale in Jean’s mug sloshed a little.   
“THAT IDIOT!! He PUKES and she is all over him!! WHY WON’T SHE SEE THAT I … I… LOVE HER?!” Jean said, eyes huge in drunken emotion.  
“How much of that have you had?!” Hanji asked, thinking he had at least a few.  
“Only one… If I puke, will she love me too?” Jean hung his head over the table.  
“I thought you liked that guy with the freckles.” Hanji said honestly and jumped a little when Jean sat up straight.  
“WHAT?! M…Marco??” Jean’s face contorted like he was trying to fight something internally and before he could burst out with whatever denial or epiphany, Levi came over and leaned between them, looking at Jean. Jean’s face was still very distraught and red, as if severe burning hot proclamation or denunciation threatened to make his head explode with the din of it.   
“Oi… you’re embarrassing yourself again, you dumbass!”   
“Levi… don’t be a jerk!” But Hanji saw that it may be true because people were looking at them and laughing behind their cupped hands. Levi stood up, looking down at an even more humiliated Jean… Hanji noticed that even with Jean sitting and Levi standing, the crane of either neck was not all that prominent.   
“But… Heichou… She just said that-‘He was pointing at Hanji.  
“I didn’t say it, Ackerman did!” Hanji raised her hands in defense of herself. Mikasa hadn’t actually said that literally, she had said something about a freckled guy in the same sentence as Jean Kirstein’s name and well…she just jumbled it together to make it easier to remember and use. It just happened to come out that way. Jean’s reaction was priceless though.   
“M…Mikasa said that?! GAAAAHHHH!!!” Jean said, tossing up his arms, apparently forgetting that he had a mug of ale in his hand and it went everywhere. Needless to say people were rained on by the stinking ale this pub provided.   
“You won’t get her attention by embarrassing yourself, kid.” Hanji said earnestly.   
“How do I impress her?”  
“Not by acting like a moron.” Levi said, plonking himself down and crossing a leg over the other and looking morosely at Jean.   
“The last person he wants advice like that from is you, Levi.” Hanji twisted her face.  
“Oh? Like he is better off with you who doesn’t find anything interesting if it’s a normal human being? Seriously kid… this woman would be all over you if you were a titan.” He jutted a thumb at Hanji. “She has no proper people skills.”   
“Where as you do? All you do is go around with that bored look on your face and admonition people for having EMOTION!” Hanji said the last words with a quotation hook of her fingers.  
“I am a girl… I know what girls find attractive! So unless Marco is the object of your desire-‘ She stopped at Jean’s eyes welling up with tears again. “Okay… Mikasa it is.”  
“A girl? Don’t you mean a weirdo?” Levi *tsked* at her.  
“You know very well I am a girl, Levi… do I need to remind you again?” Hanji looked dangerously at him. Although the smile was a bit creepy to add to it.  
“Really… you can teach me to get her attention?” Jean asked, ignoring the transaction between Hanji and Levi.   
“Don’t, you’ll never be able to show your face in this place again!” Levi warned. Hanji licked the sharpest of her teeth with relish as she looked at Levi’s sour face.  
“I am going to do more than get you her attention, kid. I am going to kill two birds with one stone.” She stood up abruptly and took Jean by the wrist.  
“Oi, where are you taking him?” Levi asked suspiciously.   
“Oh don’t you worry… EVERYONE is gonna notice! The trick is, to not care what everyone else thinks! That is how I get by!” Hanji said, dragging Jean behind her up to the stage where the microphone had been left unattended. She pulled Jean up with him, who immediately seemed to coil in on himself like a crushed spider.  
“Don’t do that! Relax and have fun… we’ll teach these puppies how we don’t give a fuck what they think! You and me, Kirstein! YOU AND ME!” She wrapped an arm around Jean’s shoulder and yanked him in so they were side to side. He was petrified, like a board in her arms as she kicked the screen with her toe that sat on the floor.  
“AHEM… EXCUSE US! WE HAVE A SPECIAL DEDICATION SONG TO MY FAVORITE LITTLE PERSON IN THE ROOM! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!” Hanji said. Everyone in the tavern turned their eyes on the stage and for some reason, when they did, Jean felt Mikasa’s eyes on him. It was like her eyes pressed him and he knew they were hers. He saw her in the crowd. Her expression never changed. It seemed unimpressed as she sat next to Eren and Armin, close to the bathroom in case Eren got sick again probably.  
“I KNOW WE HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO ROAST ONE ANOTHER LATELY SO THIS WILL HAVE TO DO! READY JEAN?! THIS WAS JEAN’S IDEA, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD ONE SO EVERYBODY PUT UP THEIR GLASSES AND SING ALONG!”   
The music was playing and Hanji was still talking through it, sending out love to everyone and everything whether she knew them or not. Jean was looking down at the teleprompter with horror as the first 4 or five lines rolled across the screen. He knew what she was doing… this was not gonna be pretty.   
“OH SHIT! THE SONG- WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING!! READY, JEAN? GO!” She held the microphone near his mouth and all that came out was a gurgle. Hanji was smiling and bobbing, still holding on to Jean so she was dragging him with her from side to side in a jaunty bounce. When he didn’t immediately start, she looked at the screen, even though she didn’t need too and started singing the song.  
“Hmm hmmmm hmmm  
they got… little hands  
Little eyes  
They walk around  
Tellin' great big lies  
They got little noses  
And tiny little teeth  
They wear platform shoes  
On their nasty little feet-“   
Jean was visibly melting in front of the crowd of people. Some were openly laughing, others were looking incredulously at the pair on the stage. A few caught the dedication and were clearing a path out of Levi’s way in case he decided he had enough of Hanji’s shit. Erwin was watching with an unreadable expression. Hanji suspected she may get a telling off about this, but she didn’t care at the moment. She could always claim inebriation. Moblit looked on the verge of fainting while Mike was stifling laughter on account he was sitting next to the commander and likely be the first to be told off.  
“Well, I don't want no short people  
Don't want no short people  
Don't want no short people  
`Round here”  
People were laughing… Only the one that Jean wanted to laugh wasn’t. He did notice that Mikasa was trying to follow Eren back into the bathroom but the idiot shut the door in her face. She struggled with the door for a few moments, he must have locked it on her. Armin was tugging her arm and she gave up, leaning against the door and focused on the stage instead. W…was this his chance?  
“Sh…Short people are just the same  
As you and I  
(A fool such as I)  
All men are brothers  
Until the day they die  
(It's a wonderful world)”   
Jean had joined in singing with Hanji hesitantly until the words started coming out easier as Mikasa didn’t look completely disgusted by him, so that had to be a good thing and just the slight hint that she wasn’t disinterested emboldened him slightly. He puffed up a little and wrapped his left arm around Hanji and moved with her a little more willingly.  
“Come on, Jean! Next verse is yours! SOLO!!” Hanji thrust the microphone in his face and just for a moment, his throat constricted before he wrapped his hand around Hanji’s and they both held the microphone, as he shifted his eyes down to the teleprompter.  
“They got little baby legs  
That stand so low  
You got to pick em up  
Just to say hello  
They got little cars  
That go beep, beep, beep  
They got little voices  
Goin' peep, peep, peep”  
Jean looked up as Hanji pulled the microphone back to herself. He saw that Mikasa was watching but also noticed with some pride that people in the tavern were also swinging back and forth, laughing and singing with him. He hadn’t noticed it when he was singing alone but now that he knew what they were doing he thought it made him look good so he grinned, forgetting what Hanji was actually doing it for and the lyrics… the lyrics were obviously a jab at Heichou. It was clear some knew it… like Erwin… Who was not smiling. Armin, who looked like he too was going to be sick and Levi… who had murder in his eyes, but had not changed his position but just looked up at the stage with a glare in his eyes that would have melted Hanji had she cared to notice.  
“They got grubby little fingers  
And dirty little minds  
They're gonna get you every time  
Well, I don't want no short people  
Don't want no short people  
Don't want no short people  
'Round here”  
By the end of the song nearly the entire tavern was singing. Sans the few that knew what the song was implying.  
**/**/**   
“Oh my god…” Hanji covered her mouth a little. What the hell happened after all that? She didn’t even remember… Something about Levi… She had gone to the bar after rockus laughter, ordered another round for everyone, Levi approaching her with fire in his eyes, Jean being scolded as well but by Armin...   
Hanji couldn’t remember. How the hell did she end up in a motel? She lifted her aching head and on her bare thighs was Jean’s head. She had her panties on and a t-shirt but nothing else. She looked horrified. She tried to swing out of the bed to get away from Kirstein but when she did, she rolled off the bed and onto another body on the floor.  
She was embarrassed to find out that she had landed in a straddled position over Levi, who was on his back with nothing but boxer’s on. She landed perfectly on his hips and her face slowly turned red as he grunted a little with the impact of her weight on his lower half.   
“Oooooh myyyy gooooooood!” She screeched. She covered her mouth. “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! WHY ARE YOU WITH ME?!” She pointed at Jean who was still out cold on the bed.”WHY IS HE HERE?? LEVI!!” Hanji tried to get off him, noticing him wincing and grimacing with the shifting of her weight and the sound of her hangover voice.   
“Shut up! Do you have to sound so annoying? My head is pounding!” Levi grumbled and turned over. He looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep again before he realized he was on the floor with little but his shorts on. His eyes snapped open and he sat up as fast as he could.  
“What the fuck?” He asked as he looked down his body and then at her who was sitting on her hip with her mouth covered by one hand and her finger pointed at the bed.  
“YOU TRIED TO HUMILIATE ME LAST NIGHT!” Levi’s eyes nearly turned red.   
“SHUT UP! WHY IS HEEEEE WITH US?!” Hanji asked in terror as she pointed at Jean again. Levi had to look over the bed a little to see the identity of ‘he’ that was with them. He let himself settle to the floor again and he looked just as confused and terrified, if he ever looked terrified, trying to recall what happened.  
“Never mind that… WHY AM I WITH YOU?!” Levi’s lip twisted. “Short people? –got to pick them up just to say hello? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”   
“SHUT UP!” said a voice from the other side of the room. Hanji pulled up a little. Just how many people are here?  
Hanji struggled to her feet. There were many, just laying pelmel on furniture, the floor and the bed. She saw Kirstein but didn’t notice that somehow Mike had ended up on the bed and Armin, Mikasa and Eren were in the room.   
Hanji hoped nothing untoward happened. Why would they all end up in the same room with one another? What the hell happened last night?  
“Oi… You were making a point about my height last night! I should cut your legs off below the knee… see how you like it!”  
“Why are you almost naked?!” Hanji whipped around and stumbled a little.  
“I don’t know! I must have been hot!” He said irritably as there came a knock at the door.  
“Oh my god… Levi did we … do things? Last night?” She shook, almost wanting to bring her fingers up between her legs to see.   
“I hope not!” Levi said staunchly as he picked up his clothing and covered himself with them. “I can’t imagine myself being so angry at you I would want to fuck you. Kill the fuck out of you maybe… but not fuck you.” His usual pale face turned slightly pink and there was another knock at the door. A couple of people breathed in a little and shifted where they slept.  
“Hanji…” A deep voice came from outside the room. Hanji gritted her teeth and smiled nervously. She knew how bad this was going to look… and if she was right about the voice… and there was no mistaking it, it was not going to look pretty. She walked over to the door and opened it a little. Erwin was looking down at her.  
“I hope you had a good time last night. Because it is now 6 in the morning and it is time to resume responsibility. For instance… your little prank last night. You have some apologizing to do-“ Erwin stopped talking as Levi took the door and swung it open to Erwin saw the entire room and who was in it. His face barely changed at all. Only by the slightest lift of his eyebrows did he appear moved by what he saw.  
“I intend to have a public apology made about this! I demand she stand out in front of the entire Survey Corps and admit she was an idiot!” Levi said as he pushed passed her and into the hall next to Erwin, who looked down at him, again with barely a change of expression.  
“As you stand in a hallway almost naked, Levi. I am not sure I want to know what happened last night and why there are so many of you heaped in one room that was clearly only meant to bed two… “ He cast a suspicious eye at Levi and then back at Hanji, who caught the drift.  
“NOTHING HAPPENED!” She said quickly and grinned because she wasn’t really sure what went on last night as Erwin looked behind her at all the others.   
“I expect you all to be up and ready in one quarter of an hour. No excuses.” Erwin said as he turned to walk away but Levi was standing there. He was looking down at him, recalling the song that was sung and he tried not to say anything, it was a struggle, his lips moved and his gut wanted to laugh about it, but the commander in him won and needed this to be appropriate.   
“Put your clothes on, Levi.” He walked around him.


End file.
